Thrills and spills

So by now everyone will be aware that Australia’s first knitting Prime Minister has been stabbed in the back by her own party in favour of the former Prime Minister she stabbed in the back for labor barely three years ago. Let’s just lay that out in a time line:

  • 4th December 2006 – The Australian Labor Party decided that Kevin Rudd is the man to lead them to victory over incumbent PM John Howard in the forthcoming election.
  • 3rd December 2007 – Kevin Rudd leads the ALP to a landslide victory over incumbent PM John Howard, and in such decisive fashion that John Howard actually lost his own seat.
  • 24 June 2010 – The Australian Labor Party decide that Kevin Rudd, the same one who led them to electoral victory, is a fucking liability electorally speaking as well as a pain in the arse to work for, choosing to dump him for his deputy Julia Gillard. Having been told his time is up Rudd stands aside without a fight.
  • 21st August 2010 – As Prime Minister Julia Gillard leads the ALP to a no score draw in the election and has to form a minority government relying on the promised support of Senate Greens and some of the cross bench MPs in the House of Reprehensibles.
  • 24th February 2012 – After time in Gillard’s cabinet and then the back benches Rudd challenges for the leadership of the ALP again. Three days later the ALP votes and Gillard beats Rudd 71 votes to 31.
  • 30th January 2013 – Julia Gillard, having steadily lost popular support and, presumably, having gone quite mad, announces that the next federal election will be on 14th September 2013, about a fortnight before the last day it can legally be held (UK readers might find bells ringing from that last bit).
  • 21st March 2013 – Having continued to lose support Labor MPs seem finally to notice that many of them are likely to lose their seats and cushy jobs at the election. Rudd, having spent much of the last 13 months saying he wouldn’t challenge for the leadership again, stays silent. Simon Crean, a member of Gillard’s cabinet, called for a fresh leadership contest and announced that he supported Kevin Rudd to replace Gillard as leader and Prime Minister. The Prime Minister and Deputy PM each stand for their existing jobs and Kevin Rudd continues to stay silent. Gillard is elected unopposed and promptly fires Simon Crean, who complains that he thought Rudd would actually challenge. Rudd then states that he will never be Labor leader again.
  • Today, 26th June 2013, three months later – Rudd’s supporters petition for a Labour caucus with the intention of forcing another contest on what, due to Parliament being about to rise until the election, is for all practical purposes the last possible day they could have one. Gillard raises and calls for a contest without waiting for the petition. To negligible surprise Rudd announces that despite his promise he’s changed his mind and will stand against Gillard, and goes on to win by a dozen votes.

So there we have it, the man that Labor wanted/didn’t want/didn’t want/didn’t want/wanted all along is back, having seen off the red headed pretender who betrayed him/rescued the party/betrayed him/betrayed the party/was brilliant/was a total lost cause.

And needless to say, all this has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with polling predictions that with Julia Gillard as PM Labor will be reduced to perhaps as few as 30 seats come the federal election while under Rudd it’ll be 50 at worst and if they’re lucky they might even make another draw or a tiny majority. Each and every member of the Labor caucus is thinking only of the good of the country, natch, and the kind of naked self interest that is no doubt suspected by millions is actually not a consideration at all. Honest. Although…

… if that was true then why the fuck did they ditch Kevin Rudd, not once but three times, to begin with. I was going to make a joke about Rudd asking why the ALP had disowned him three times, but since I wonder if the bastard hasn’t got a messiah complex anyway I think it’s best I don’t.

Posted on June 26, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. When I read the “Breaking News” on the BBC I was laughing so much I nearly shat myself.

    You literally couldn’t make this shit up, it’s reality as portrayed by the script writers of “Home and Away”.

    The fact that they dumped that harpy Gillard is unsurprising, she certainly had become an electoral liability, I mean knitting a kangaroo for Will and Kate’s baby, I mean what the actual buggery-fuck?!

    The surprising thing is that of all members of the Parliamentary ALP, the only one that could oust her was n-times loser Kevin Rudd. I mean, for fucks sake, what are they putting in the tea over there?

    It would serve Rudd right if his own constituency threw him out, a la John Howard. Certainly it would be an appropriate end to this 3-year ongoing farce.

    • It’s an oddity. Rudd is popular with Labor voters but not Labor MPs. He’s particularly well thought of in Queensland, where they were pretty pissed off with the parliamentary party for knifing their guy. In fact according to some estimates had Gillard remained as PM there was a possibility that Kevin Rudd would have been the only Labor MP left up there.

      Me, I think he’s a twat. Natch.

  2. “Sing now, ye people of the South,
    for the Realm of Gillard is ended for ever,
    and the Ginger Tower is thrown down

    Sing and rejoice, ye people of the Lands of the South,
    for your watch hath not been in vain,
    and the Ginger Gate is broken,
    and your Rudd hath passed through,
    and he is victorious.

    Sing and be glad, all ye children of the South,
    for your Rudd shall come again,
    and he shall dwell among you
    all the days of your life.

    And the ALP that was withered shall be renewed,
    and he shall plant it in the high places,
    and the City of Canberra shall be blessed.
    Sing all ye people!”

    With apologies to J.R.R Tolkien

%d bloggers like this: