Plain tobacco packaging can’t get any plainer than this – UPDATED

So I really hope this is good enough for you, Nicola Roxon, and you too Andrew Lansley, and any other finger wagging, nannying busybody elevated to the dizzying heights of Moralist Minister for Health of any nation where joyless wowsers seem to get an extra vote or two judging by the amount of say they get on policies.

Click to embiggerise

This is a redesign of the template I mentioned here when I was thinking about how Australia’s plain packaging decree, soon to be imposed by our masters in Canberra, could be circumvented. Since the UK and no doubt some other countries look likely to follow suit and have already plastered ciggie packs with mandatory scary horror image health warnings I feel smokers might as well start being awkward buggers about it right away. Be honest – playing fair and reasonable has got you absolutely nowhere. So to my smoker friends, both those I’ve met and those with whom my acquaintance is purely electronic, share and enjoy. Personalise your pack with a message on the cigarettes if you like. I hope I’ve got the sizes right on this template but please let me know if not please let me know in the comments (or if you adjust it yourself please get in touch as soon as you can so I can nab a copy off you and repost it). And I’m sure someone could use the same template to do a better job than I have here with multiple pastes and resizes of parts of cig pictures found with Google image searches.

And to the wowsers and government prodnoses, this non-smoker would like to explain that in addition to an interest in liberty a great part of his support for smokers is due to the fact that he can see you coming for him too eventually. You’ve already begun on the drinkers, people who like salt on their food, people who like takeaways under their salt, people who have sugar, and people who like to cook themselves either under the sun or in a tanning machine, and even if I wasn’t already on that list I know damn well that there are other things I like to do which you will soon decide that for my own good I should not, despite being a competent reasoning adult, be permitted to do. Before you get to that stage I’d like to say a very heartfelt fuck you all, savagely and in inappropriate orifices, and to misquote Kennedy by adding that all free men can smoke and therefore as a free man ich bin ein smoker.


UPDATE – for future reference a copy of this post can be found by clicking ‘Plain packs’ next to the Home button.

Posted on May 22, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Superb! Could be fun making these. Personally, I’ll be stockpiling empty Winston packs from EU trips once Lansley’s goons bring PP in, for occasions where my eBay-bought Bond Street vintage cig case is a bit too lah-di-dah. 😉

    • Bad WordPress! No sticking Dick Puddlecote in the spam bin!

      Sorry about that, DP, but glad you enjoy the design. Feel free to share it with your smoky readership.

  2. thefilthyengineer

    Thanks for that. I shall have a go at assembly tomorrow.

  3. You’re right on with this one AE.

    Why are the disgracefully rich allowed to grow richer when it’s obvious that one day they’ll get robbed at best. They’ll have all the money that has ever been printed in the world, so it follows just as sure as a fart follows onions. And, what about those that destroy their health with fatty foods before adding to all those horrid statistics concerning death that scares folks like me half way there. It’s not fair.

    What about stairs – biggest killers around… so I’m told? (you won’t have many of those though in Aussie-land AE but they are dangerous tools mate – real dangerous. Just like climbing a rotting tree twice a day} Speeding cars kill lots of folks too but are useful for grabbing cash by imposing fines; the offensive owners are not dis-owned though and the cars are not rebranded or re-package with a thick coating of wool (lots of sheep where you are AE so you’ll know how this smart move would benefit sheep-herders down-under due to exceptional thinking from someone up-over) in order to protect folk who get banged. (I realise of course that only you and I read this stuff AE but if your mother does stumble across it due to the fact that you failed to show up for the promised visit… I apologise if the word upsets or causes confusion. I could easily change the word but stuff that type of pandering to pc correctness. I’m right there aren’t I AE?}

    And, what about sex? (Don’t read past this point Mrs E) Produces vast amounts of kids which are killing the fucking planet but does it get banned? Does it heck as like. Has the male tumescent cock ever been banned, or a luscious fanny repackaged in a way designed to prevent the banned said cock from gaining access? Of course they haven’t and you know why don’t you AE? Because only the thoughtful fucking smoker ever has the time to relax and think about these things. Winston was a smoker wasn’t he? Right.

    Think about this too AE. The best singers who ever lived died because they smoked – right? Nat King Cole, Sarah Vaughann (the ‘divine’ one eh AE? Yes.), Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Frank Sinatra etc etc etc. But who benefitted? You’re right again mate… we did. So let’s hear it for the inoffensive little fag. I’ll tell you this AE. If you and I were both 15 again and smoked, like a lot, we could form a pop group known (appropriately} as the Fag Ends (nice one, very catchy, like – a little sinister) and become rich enough to have all the PC brigade banned from whatever it is they like doing. Maybe smoke the buggers to death in a smoke house some place. (do they have those in OZ AE? Not smoke houses AE. Buggers. Do they have sodding buggers in Oz? What’s up with you down there?)

    Hope this message finds you well… Cheers.

    • Hadn’t thought of stairs, and so far at least neither have the nannies. Tempting to take the piss and start a campaign demanding that every riser has a state mandated health warning on it but I’d worry that someone will take it seriously and actually do it.

  4. Brilliant cigarette packet design, A E.

    Simple, says it all and makes me smile.

  5. Why not a tin with your preferred brand’s logo on the lid? something like this…

    I foresee a market opening.

    • Agreed. As I said in the original series on ideas to get around the plain packs laws, I’m sure tins and cases will be making a comeback and I can’t see any reason (unless legislation is introduced or already exists) that prevents, say, Marlboro, selling branded items. After all, the argument of the government here is that the trademarks and branding have not been taken from the baccy companies, it’s just that they won’t be allowed to use them on packets. If not then I’m sure 3rd parties (i.e. the knock off shops in various parts of Asia) will supply them to every tourist passing through, and unlike now I don’t see why the tobacco trade would have any incentive to try to protect their trademarks in that situation, so unless possession of such is also to become illegal and those tins and cases confiscated by customs on the way in I’m sure they will begin to appear no matter what. Some of my other ideas would be equally hard to stop – hardly practical to ban and enforce a prohibition on a Marlboro knitting pattern for a cigarette box cover.

  6. I have had a similar thought for some time now but as I always find someone has beaten me to the money. I mentioned something like your proposal to my daughter some a few weeks ago and she informs me that Smokemart or similar already market metal tins to pop your ciggie packet in. They obviously have better artists than the government employ as they are apparently quite attractive little tins. Her yachting friends use them to keep their cigarettes dry while they are sailing and splashing around on the water.

    • Yes, and as I just said to Willy, I can see tins and cases making a comeback. But they’re far from the only means of civil not quite obedience open to smokers and the legit trade. As I suggested in the original series I don’t think the laws at the moment stop the individual cigarettes from being branded (as I recall they usually are already, but not so that a casual observer could see what brand is being smoked) and I can’t see how it’s practical to ban tins or someone making up patterns to knit covers, either of which could be branded whether officially or unofficially.

  7. Who is this package template for? Is this what the large manufacturers are using? Interesting post. Thanks.

    • No idea. I found it on the web as a blank template for anyone to redesign to their fancy. Far as I could tell it was the same dimensions as standard packets, though not being a smoker and having one to take apart and compare I can’t be completely certain.

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