Red Ed’s 2 minute biography.

Good at solving Rubik’s Cube, but can’t suggest any other skills of the top of his head. Describes himself as “too square” to have ever tried any drugs or even dared to indulge in a little underage drinking. Got beaten up a lot at school, and possibly thinks of Teri Hatcher, Rachel Weisz and Scarlett Johansson a lot in deeply private moments. Very firm on the fact that he’s not married. All in all he sounds like just the person you’d want for a dinner party. As a waiter.

I have little doubt that Cameramong, who’s at least as big a bell-end, was laughing his balls off reading that. And talking of balls, I expect Blinky was too. But then this all came out in a GQ interview with Piers Morgan, who as I recall was always pally with Blinky’s mate and mentor, Snotty McMuncher-Broon, extremely part-time member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath when he can fit it in.

Wankers and cockslots, the lot of them.