Australian Police – Don’t Fuck With Them.

I think I’ve mentioned a few times that the police and judicial systems in most states here are obsessed with speeding to a degree that makes the British cops look like they just don’t give a flying fuck about it. Here in Victoria it’s got to the stage where the default speed limit for the whole state is 50 kph (31 mph) unless signposted otherwise, that even freeways that are five lanes across are only 100 kph – unless there are roadworks in which case it may be as low as a comical 40 kph (25 mph) – and it’s not until you get well away from the towns and cities that it’s finally raised to the dizzying heights of 110 kph*, which is still less than 70 mph. On top of that the fines are extortionately high and rather than the comfortable margin of 10% of the limit + 2 mph you supposedly get in the UK you get a piffling 2 kph leeway here. That’s 1 1/4 mph in old money or, in the Exile lexicon, fucking ridiculous. Most egregious of all the law allows – possibly even insists, I’m not sure – that at a certain point above the speed limit the cops impound your car for two days** and possibly more if you were really caning it. As far as I’ve been able to find out by asking Aussies this applies even when a driver gets tugged and it’s not his car, which certainly seems to be the case if this is anything to go by.

To quote Vincent Vega,

What’s more chickenshit than fucking with a man’s automobile? I mean, don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle.

Especially when it’s pretty bloody obvious that it wasn’t even him driving it. Fuck knows what they do if it’s a rental, but it’s something visitors could bear in mind if the hire company piss them about. All you’d need to do is give it a good thrashing on your way to the airport at the end of your stay, and when the cops stop you and impound it get a taxi the rest of the way and send Avis a fax from the terminal telling them that their hire car is with the police. And I’m only half joking, because it’s probably going to take more than one obviously wealthy car owner being fucked up by an unjust and retarded law to get something done about it. Bit of commercial pressure…

Unfortunately, far from being stopped this style of summary justice is actually spreading, and now it’s computer owners who may have their property seized without so much as charges being brought. All in the name of thinking of the chiiiiiiiiildren.

Police will be able to destroy computers carrying suspected child pornography even where the material is highly encrypted and impossible to access, under a tightening of federal sex offence laws.

Now I despise kiddy fiddlers as much as anyone else but I’m really fucking concerned when the hysteria reaches Paedogeddon territory and everyone switches their fucking brains off. Do we really want to go down this road? Do we really want state sanctioned private property destroyed on a fucking suspicion?

Hey, what have you got in that safe there?

Sorry but that’s nothing to do with you, officer.

No, look, I want to see what’s in there because I suspect it of being [insert type of illicit item here].

Sorry but I’m not prepared to let you.

I’ll get a warrant.

Oh really? Will it have the combination written on it?

No. But it’ll mean you’ll have to open it or the court will do you for refusing.

All because you suspect there’s something in there.

Yeah, so open it.

Erm… No.

Right, we’ll get the warrant.

And out of principle I’d rather do the time than open it for you.

Right then, in that case we’ll just seize your safe, take it out into a field, get the Army to set some explosives on it and blow the cunt to tiny little bits.

And don’t forget that in this country some courts have a pretty extreme idea of what constitutes child pornography. You with the cartoons, stand still and put your hands up slowly, you filthy fucking nonce.

* Ironically, being out of the towns and suburbs means that these 110 kph sections of road are generally two lanes per carriageway, or even single carriageway roads, with entrances and exits joining directly in places. Often they are highways rather than freeways (A roads rather than motorways to Brits). The high capacity sections of freeway (up to five lanes in places) with decent grade separated junctions near built up areas are invariably 100 kph.
** Longer if it’s a holiday weekend, natch.

Posted on February 5, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on Australian Police – Don’t Fuck With Them..

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: