Won’t somebody think of the chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllldren?

Dick Puddlecote is wound up about another smoking story, and with good cause because this one comes with extra stupid. Lily Allen and Lady Gaga have each smoked on stage [gasp sharply….. and then cough theatrically]. This caused one alleged Lily Allen fan* to say that it ruined the night for him and his 17 and 15 year old kids, which in turn caused Dick Puddlecote to say:

When questioned further, Mr Hall said that references to spending ages giving head, post-coital wet patches, and fucking the girl next door were fine for his little darlings, but this was just too much.

Mr Hall, born in the smoke-filled 50s but seemingly still quite healthy, was last seen disappearing up his own gullible, self-righteous arse.

Quite. I’d like to say something approving about Lily Allen at this point but since I reckon she was probably only able to light up at all by temporarily removing her own head from her self-righteous arse I think I’ll give it a miss. Personally I’d be pissed off if she came into my home and lit up. For that matter I’d be pissed off if she came in to my home and just stood there, but the owner of a property gets to set the rules and if, as is almost guaranteed these days, the owners of the concert venue where Lily Allen attempted mass murder by ciggie smoke had already banned smoking before the government blanket ban she wasn’t rebelling so much as just being rude. However, that’s between them and her, not whiny pricks like Mr Hall. Fuck the pair of ’em, but especially him.

Fuck you all. Fuck you right in the lungs.

Still, the increasing hysteria about smoking and the way people are likely to treat a bit of fag smoke as equivalent to being violently bottled in the face is really starting to piss me off. For one thing it’s tempting me to go down the shops for a pack of Bensons just as a ‘fuck you’ message, but I’ve now been an ex-smoker long enough to have grown to dislike fag smoke and ashtrays. So do you know what I do about it, and I’m asking this of wankers like Mr Hall? Let me give you an example. Couple of days ago I was talking to a smoker who lit one up up, so I took a small step backwards and we carried on talking as before. No theatrical coughing or being a cunt because even though I’ve grown to dislike the smell of the smoke a few inches of extra space was all that was necessary. I doubt he even noticed, or if he did thought I was just slouching against the wall for a bit (and also I did genuinely want to slouch against the wall for a bit too).

I realise I’m doing this all wrong because as an ex-smoker I’m expected to be a pompous, twatty, crusading, anti-smoking zealot who wants to impose his will on others but I just can’t get worked up enough about my new dislike for the smell of smoke and ashtrays to want to become a bossy cunt. Don’t smoke in my home but beyond that I don’t care. Smoke, or do not smoke, and if I have a problem rest assured that I’ll deal with it simply by moving away from the smoke without whining to anyone about it. It’s not like smoke is equivalent to actual violence or anything, is it?

[Avatar is] rated PG-13 for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language and some smoking.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

* I’m not saying he isn’t a Lily Allen fan as well as his kids, but since he’s 52 I wouldn’t be shocked if he suggested getting tickets to see that Alan Lillee bloke and wondering if he’s related to Dennis.

Posted on December 13, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on Won’t somebody think of the chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllldren?.

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